Some things are just incomprehensible to us, for example, why velour suits? Why so many fat people in Santa Clarita? Who is still buying Westlife albums?

And why, why, WHY would Britney want ANOTHER child?

Let’s just take a look at the situation here.

She has two children. Not to mention the ex-step children. Not to mention the dogs, which she clearly feels more responsibility for than her OWN boys. One might think she wishes she never had them, that they’re a nuisance to her and she was too young and inexperiences when she did have them.

So what on earth kind of sense does it make to add ANOTHER child to this diabolical drunken drug-taking rehab familial discord-laden mix?

Well, according to a source, Britney has not only been reckless with her birth control, she’s also been sleeping around and may, this very moment, be pregnant.

Life & Style says, “She’s slept with pal Sam Lutfi, some friends believe, and her friend claims Britney and producer JR Rotem have been “hooking up.” “When her friends ask if she’s being safe, Britney says it’s just casual sex,” says the friend. “She seems to think that just because she isn’t in a formal relationship, she’s somehow immune to getting pregnant.”

Britney, don’t do it! For all our sakes.

Britney Fuckupometer: CODE RED! 

Britney turned herself to a Los Angeles police station for hit and run/driving without a license charges.

She entered the station at 9pm and left 45 minutes later after being photographed and fingerprinted.

Officer Mike Lopez says, “She was fine, cooperative. She did her business and came out.”

Britney says, “They were nice.”

Good girl!

E! has the whole thing here: Spears vs Federline.

Remember the car Britney hit during her little hit-and-run incident in August?

The owner of the car - one Kim Robard-Rifkin - has expressed her concern about the decisions Britney is making.

Kim says:

“I thought, oh my God, am I now going to be blamed for taking Britney Spears’ children away from her? That’s nothing I want on my conscience.

“It’s much better that her children are taken away from her now, before any harm comes to them. They need to be taken care of - they’re the innocent ones. She’s the grown up and she can’t take care of herself, much less anybody else. If the judge considered this [case] during the custody issue, it may seem like a little thing.

But, she’s driving without a license, which is illegal; she’s driving without a seatbelt, which is illegal; she’s driving with a dog on her lap, which is illegal; she hits a car not once but twice, which is illegal. She doesn’t look for the person she hit. All these little things make up his [the judge’s] view of what this woman is fit for.”

Reports are circulating that Britney could soon be back in the Caribbean rehab facility she attended earlier this year (remember, the place where she spent a mere 24 hours before coming out and shaving her own head).

Britney has a VERY IMPORTANT court hearing on October 26 - so if she does go to the Crossroads Centre in Antigua, she absolutely positively must be out by that date.

Britney’s aunt Chandra McGovern has stated the blindingly obvious to British newspaper The Sun about Britney’s need for real, solid support.

McGovern is afraid Britney might commit suicide, and makes comments about how “real southern girls” don’t show their twats to the general public — as if going out with no panties on is strictly a northern phenomenon. Good lord.

Then there is the comment about how Britney’s mother used to be her “backbone”, and how everything went to hell after that relationship fell apart, which nicely skates over the fact that every single thing that is happening right now is a DIRECT result of Lynn Spears’ shitty parenting.

Here’s what Chandra had to say (the uppercase is us):

She said: “We are very worried that things are going to spiral out of control. Instead of her turning to her family [BECAUSE HER FAMILY ARE USELESS] she is going to turn to the friends she has been hanging with — and the partying and drugs. And whether it be intentionally or accidental, there may be a drugs overdose. We are worried about suicidal tendencies in her [YOU SHOULD BE]. Everything is spiraling down and she has not got a backbone — a family member to help her [THAT’S BECAUSE HER FAMILY ARE NOTHING BUT BLOODSUCKING TRAILER TRASH].

We fear that one day we may turn on the TV that she’s done something terrible to herself [SHE WILL]. Every time you turn the TV on it’s something and every time it’s more negative than the last. It gets worse and worse. Not wearing panties is not something a true southern girl would do. Then, in front of the paparazzi when she crashed into the car and said, ‘Oops’ and took off, she knows better than that.

In some of the clips we’ve seen it looks like either she’s on something or so drunk she doesn’t know what world she’s in. It’s heartbreaking. Everybody is human [REALLY?!?], but she needs to come back down to earth. Her mother was always her backbone [HAHAHAHA]. Since they’ve fallen out everything has gone to hell [YEAH THAT’S THE REASON WHY].

The kids came second and her party life came first so it really wasn’t a shock that the kids have been taken away from her [YOU’RE NO BETTER THAN HER YOU SANCTIMONIOUS COW]. It was just very disappointing. You just want to reach out and grab her and hug her and tell her you love her [AND ASK FOR A LOAN]. I want to knock some sense into her and say, ‘Britney — wake up!’ It’s almost like it’s a nightmare [ALMOST?] and we want her to wake up from it. But she’s a grown woman. She knows how to make her mind up and she’s choosing the wrong path [NO SHIT!].”

In a nutshell: Chandra McGovern watches TV and sees Britney making mistakes. This concerns her, but not enough to actually DO ANYTHING.

And if you think Chandra can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, ask yourself this question: how much effort do you think she would make if someone offered her a million dollars to straighten Britney out?

Or hell, even ten bucks.

In case anyone is wondering exactly why Britney lost the kids, it’s because she didn’t take the random drug and alcohol test ordered by the court - and she couldn’t provide a valid California drivers license.

Attorney Sorrell Trope says, “We weren’t able to prove compliance with what the judge ordered. Specifically the judge ordered that by 10 am (Monday) morning, both parties show valid California driving licenses. I’ve been unable to produce evidence of that.”

Well, she has the license now - just slightly too late! Come on Britney, wake up!

BRITNEY FUCKUPOMETER: CODE RED 

Finally!

After driving around without a valid license for who knows how long, Britney hot-footed it up to the DMV in Van Nuys and got her California Drivers License.

Let’s hope this signals the end of any car-related nonsense (ie rearending someone IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF PHOTOGRAPHERS before driving off like nothing happened).

Suppose the government took your children away from you because you couldn’t NOT get drunk and high and naked two days in a row.

What do you do? Do you

a - Try to figure out what’s best for your kids and act accordingly

b - Give up and decide parenting was never for you anyway

c - Go to a tanning salon despite being well aware that the world is watching you and your actions could be perceived as uncaring and sort of… crazy?

Guess which one Britney chose.

Well this is going to come as absolutely no surprise to anyone - a Superior Court Judge has ordered that physical custody of Britney and Kevin’s sons will go to Kevin.

According to L.A. County Superior Court Judge Scott Gordon, Kevin “is to retain physical custody of the minor children on Wednesday, October 3, 2007 at 12:00 PM until further order of the court.”

So this means Britney still has visitation rights but will no longer be the primary provider for the kids.

In case anyone is wondering, immediately before she handed the boys over Britney took them through a Carls Jr drive thru. Which isn’t the most convenient way to hand your children over to someone, is it?

Not that I think she did that deliberately, mind you - she just doesn’t think that far ahead. I’m sure Kevin had fun wiping the ketchup off their clothes and juggling their Coke cups into the car.

BRITNEY FUCKUPOMETER: CODE RED. When a judge decides that Kevin Federline is a more fit parent than you, you need help. Does this girl have no friends???